it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
