Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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