i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize