I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
