i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
