don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
