Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
