just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
