this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
