Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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