I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
