So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
