My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
