Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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