She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
