your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
