I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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