I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just tell him i said nine months
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She told me I should be a condom model.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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