My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
