He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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