somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
