Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
