Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think my moral compass just broke
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