First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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