My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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