What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
