Just fell off a train. Bad.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
