I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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