Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have feelings that need drinking.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
