I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
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I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
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Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize