So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
