airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
