its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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