after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
