just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
