Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
