I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
