3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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