either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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