I hope mine doesn't look like that
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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