god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
