ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
