do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
