Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
