i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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