boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
that is very illegal...i love you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
