I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
COCAINE IS GR8
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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