I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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