She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
