apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
