i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you win again, gameday.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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