my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
