I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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