my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
