There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
