I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize