The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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