just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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