I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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