Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
