i think my mom watched the whole time
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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