I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
