I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
