don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
