if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
