i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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