I heard we made out
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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