Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
