I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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