At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
