and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
