i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
